If I Only Knew

I had no idea I had a chance
Perhaps a chance so small
Not even a sewing needle could pass through
So tiny it cannot be seen by the naked eye

I wish I could go back
Tug against the threads of time
So they would loosen, unwind, and be free
Creating a space where we could
Be just you and me

Where I could love unequivocally
Where I could express all that I am to you
Where there are no barriers
And love just flows
And is free to dance

If I only knew
If I only knew I could have had a chance with you
I would have never let go
If you only knew
If you only knew how much you mean to me

A New Bud

Raw, like a new bud in Spring
I open myself up to a new day
Without apologies
A hand slips into my heart
Breathless, I run

Taken, my walls come down
I want to share all that I am
From deep within
And all around
Fearless, I undress

Naked, I am
Scared, I am
Hopeful, I am

To blossom in front of you
To be loved for who I am
To be seen
To be seen as who I am
In all my glory

Canvass of Truth

Covering the surface of blank pages
With invisible dabs of ink
Hoping to unveil a hidden picture
That lies somewhere beneath

Scratching at the surface
Not too hard, but on purpose
To find just a gaping hole
Filled with a pocket of air

Nothingness has no ends
Grows without fuel
And spreads with all its might
Like water without restraint

I thought I was rising, but
The ground fell from below
And now I’m terrified because I’m
Standing in the middle of the unknown

Is this the uncoiling of a sordid tail?
Or the unhinging of a closed door?
I’m supposedly not asking the right questions
Because I keep on getting more-of the same

It’s time to let go of uncertainties
Wrap myself up in my faith
Tie ignorance up in a box
And throw it away

Have the courage to look at the devil
Directly in his greedy, little face
‘Cause he’s not taking my doubts
And baking them into cakes

Even glass though fragile
Defends itself when broke
Maybe I can be certain
While I’m waiting to be whole

Rebirth

The quiet storm rises
Without permission
Turns echoes from the past
Into a fury of formation
Unfettered, juices run
Squeezing out the hum drum
A cacophony of lights
Leave everything anew

The Time Has Come

The time has come to move on

The time has come to set my sails up high

The time came and went

I left my heart on his chest

The time has come to keep my head up

The time has come to learn my lesson

The time has come to make amends

With my angels & demons

I heard Marvin K. Mooney doesn't want to leave

But when it's the right time, a time to sleep

You gotta go

You gotta go

Lie in the bed you made

The time has come to face the day

The time has come to be courageous

The time has come to have faith

In what lies ahead

THE END

It wasn't that I didn't see it coming

It wasn't that I didn't know the truth

But I wanted to believe we had a future

I wanted to believe I could grow old with you

It wasn't that I didn't see the problems

It wasn't that I didn't know it'd be tough

But I wanted to believe we could work it out

I wanted to believe in the power of love

It wasn't that I didn't want to be that woman

It wasn't that you didn't want to be that man

But when two people can't come together

There's a higher power working, an upper hand

I surrender my will to God

I pray for peace in our hearts

Sometimes, love is about letting go

And the end is just a new beginning

The Match

Glaring eyes from end to end
Thoughts of defeating you
Even though you are my friend
In my stance a bounce
But yours a steadiness
I’m in my corner waiting

I move swiftly on my feet
But you move purposefully
Floating like a butterfly
But swinging like a chimpanzee
I’m determined to see if I can win
Determined to be right in this argument

Take me out this round you will
The next I’ll beat you to the core
How should love be measured?
Now that I’m gasping on the floor
In this never ending battle
Of low lying humility

We take a time out
I center myself completely
You take on a new doubt
I suppress my anxiety
So that we both can meet again
And raise another fist

Glaring eyes from end to end
Of a fearless enemy who was my friend
I’m ready now to take on my glory
Of this twisted two page Rocky Balboa story
Starring two hopeless lovers, holding their better selves back,
in a boxing ring

Color Without Lines

I know your splendor because I see it from the mountain peaks
I know your voice because I hear it in the breeze
I know your warmth because I feel it caress my skin
I know your smile because it lights up whatever room I’m in

People wonder how I can believe in you
when there is so much suffering in the world
But, I know you exist
Yes, I know you exist
Because the devil does not paint the earth with color in quite the same way
In fact, I think he just uses the color grey

I know your sweetness because I eat the fruit from your trees
I know your kindness because I encounter it everyday with the people I meet
I know your strength because I find it in sorrowful times
I know your courage because it’s become a good friend of mine

I know your infinite patience because it’s grown on me
I know your greatest truth because it’s what I continue to seek
I know your profound compassion because it’s mended my broken heart
I know your abundant joy because I see it light up the stars in the dark

People wonder how I can believe in you
when there are so many atrocities in the world
But, the reason I know you exist
Yes, the reason I know you exist
Is because the devil does not paint the earth with color in quite the same way
In fact, I think he just uses the color grey

I know your beauty because it composes the notes I sing
I know your passion because it melts the ice in the advent of spring
I know your love because it compels me to witness good in uncivil times
And I know you exist because only you, my Lord, can color without lines

Brink of Irony

Harsh words delivered in soft whispers; Your fingers caress my face

Apologizing, not recognizing; Your fist still in my chest

Cold tears run down; My heart burns

Love turns to Hate

We are DONE

You, Me

Not One

I

Take Off

Me, You

Not meant TO BE

Night turns to Day

Bridges burn down in the rain

Recognizing, but not apologizing for the way I reacted

Strangers on the brink of irony; Lovers that were destined to meet

say goodbye

growing dissentions take over the night
she pretends, he pretends
they both say they cannot wait to say goodbye

he stands on thin wire, she lights him on fire
i gasp, i sit, i contemplate

the hour becomes sour
the matter grows fatter
they both cannot ignore the hate

my tears fill like wine
i'm drunk all the time
and it just gets better with old age

he dims, she roars
they have done this before
and in time they will relate

he fist, she pounds
maybe their purpose will be found

i listen, i learn, my eyes now have turned
to another road outside

he crawls, she runs
they both are not done

as i wait for them to say goodbye

I AM I

I AM the inaction in the action
I AM the drone beneath the notes
I AM the pulse that beats in your heart
I AM the fire in the center of the Earth

The world unfolds one seam at a time
Before you know it, the whole thread unwinds
NOTHING matters
EVERYTHING is me
NO THING matters
I AM I

Tied Up

tied up in strings and he is laughing at me
i don't know why i wasn't smarter than this

i throw a fistfull of sugar his way
but he never was one with a sweet tooth
so be it
i'll fight my way out

and my compass stopped guiding me long ago
so i had to rely on my heart to show me the way
he's chained my hands and limited me to speech
yet i have nothing to say

what if i died for a cause?
would that make me a martyr
does altruism exist?
only in a selfish need to please
can there not be sacrifice without pain?

i'm a lonely hunter for peace
trying to kill their pain
so they hold me down with their ropes
but they can't hold down my will,
and I WILL

redemption is when i sing
i rejoice in my tears
and pray for emancipation

tied up in my own world
wrestling with these thoughts
as he sits and laughs at me

UNREAL

the world of the unreal
illusions reeling one by one
images turning and twisting
our perception
keeping us aloof from the universe
beyond
of infinite light glimmering all around

Emptying Pockets

Empty your pockets of all that you are
Will you find a heart full of gold?
Or do you fumble for the coins
and short change yourself?

Don't

Don't fall in love with me
I'm not that kind of girl
Whose looking for a romance
or a sweet dance

I like searching for the unknown
to find I come across
an undiscovered beauty
hidden inside of a secret

I want to explore
I want to explore
those hidden impulses
feel the world's complexities
that beat underneath the ground

Don't expect too much
Out of me
What I am
Is what you see
Tomorrow I could change my mind
And want to lay in your arms forever

Elation

moments of elation
fluctuate in elevation
tempered by body controls

secret worlds unturning
causing deep roots to start burning
leaving caves with shadows that lead to an invisible door

when there is nothing left to discover
nothing to be left uncovered
he devises his seed to bear fruit

as she kneels to pick up a lost flower
she finds a hidden bottomless tower
to a canvass of sunset grooves

next to a tresture of majestics colors
she lays
breathes in the moment, and smiles

Veneer

This sheer veneer of this vernacular
Strings that loosely hang together
Tight but not taut
Connect us unknowingly
Pulled in each direction
Twisting and bending
Cut in pieces,
but never-ending
Fall to the ground
Get picked up again
Stick on wet sand
Hide in the sun
Remain connected still

Master Peace

Masterpieces of contemplation
Decorated along my wall
I sit back and take a look at how few there are
Moments of generation
Show up like chewed up pieces of gum
Stick right onto your shoes
Falling off when they are done

I had a thought
I thought it funny
So I laughed out loud
Nobody heard me
Does that mean I do not exist?

Gleam of Rhythm

In a time of sound confusion
wears a fire balled inside
upon a ruffled breath of apprehension
churns the quiet lime of mine

Ruffled into aberrations
of pounding sense within a fist
upon me lies a gleam of rhythm
streaming down my lemon crisp

a gleam of rhythm
a gleam of rhythm

Hear me now.
Whispers moving along a path.
Ears turned away.

Silence, silence emerges a life ready to play

Downing my dreams
swiveling around this heart
a fire, a fire which needs a match to start

In a time of sound confusion
wears a fire balled inside
upon a ruffled breath of apprehension
churns the quiet lime of mine

a quiet lime of mine

...hear me now...a gleam of rhythm